Yuri-pad on DeviantArthttps://www.deviantart.com/yuri-pad/art/Chapter-6-page-1-139282606Yuri-pad

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Chapter 6, page 1

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another example page of my webmanga :)
note: to read the full comic, visit here ---> [link]
the archives of the comic are old and the art is not so good, but I am going to redraw and reupload redone pages soon! and the newer pages are up to my current (hopefully better) skill level.

the "remake" of the comic can be found here: --- >
[link]

this time for :icongimmefeedback:
I know it is unusual for a 4-panel to be "serious" (not a comedy), but I'm giving it a try. please let me know what you think!
it is the story of a boy who has no ability to feel sadness and his emotions' (yes, his emotions. all of his emotions are anthropomorphized characters xD ) struggle to correct this.
story includes love, death and bicycles!

I'd like feedback on the story flow, how interesting to read the strip is (i.e. would you want to read more?), the anatomy and "shading" and whatever else comes to mind when you look at the comic.

EDIT: one more question.
I am (as I said) redrawing the beginning of Farewell Feeling.
but I can't decide where to PUT the new pages. should I put them as an "extra" post on the Farewell Feeling site? or on a separate site? or just on deviantart? what do you think?

thank you for your opinions and feedback!
どうもありがとうございました。

to read a prev page: [link]

farewell feeling and its characters (c) me.
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Comments20
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The-Blood-Diamond's avatar
:icongimmefeedback:

Hi! My suggestion here would be a gramatical one. I think you need to do one of two things.

Either change the "...was that bike." to "...was the bike." in the second frame.

Or change the "I guess the thing that started it all that summer..." to "I guess the thing that started it all..."

These are just suggestions to make it flow better, and the first suggestion is probably the best of the two to take.

Besides that minor grammatical thing, and the fact that you need to capitalize "If" in the last panel, you did great. I think the plot is quite good, even though I have only read this deviation, and the drawing is exceptional. Keep up the good work!!!